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I came across this bench while wandering through the streets of Lisbon. The words stopped me in my tracks. Sit here if you have love to give. I smiled. I thought about my family. My friends. My animals. The people I have the privilege of working with. Then another thought popped into my mind. What if the sign had said...

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"Sit here if you have love to give... to yourself."

 

I smiled again. Because today, I know I would sit down.

 

There was a time in my life when I'm not sure I would have. Learning to love myself has been one of the greatest and most worthwhile journeys I've ever taken. It didn't happen overnight, and it certainly didn't happen by accident. Like so many of the people I now work with, I had to learn that the love I was searching for wasn't something I had to earn. It was something I had to remember.

And I wonder...Would you sit down?

 

The Love We've Been Searching For

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So many of us spend our lives searching outside ourselves for the very things that have been quietly waiting within us all along.

Love. Acceptance. Validation. Permission. We hope someone else will make us feel worthy. That the right relationship, the right job, the right achievement or the right words from someone else will finally fill the space inside us.

But what if everything you've been searching for has been within you all along?

What if your task isn't to become more lovable...

but simply to remember that you already are?

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Be Your Own Best Friend

 

One of the simplest and most powerful things we can do is listen to the way we speak to ourselves. Would you ever dream of talking to your closest friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself? Would you tell them they weren't good enough? That they always get things wrong? That they should be doing more, achieving more or being more? That they should be thinner, cleverer, funnier? Of course not. You would encourage them. Celebrate them. Remind them how capable they are. You would hold hope for them when they couldn't find it themselves. Perhaps it's time to become your own greatest cheerleader. To speak to yourself with the same kindness, compassion and understanding that you so freely offer everyone else.

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The Baby You Were

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Imagine someone placed a tiny baby into your arms today.

Your only job would be to love that little person.

To comfort them when they cried.

To protect them.

To encourage them.

To help them discover who they really are.

You wouldn't criticise them.

You wouldn't compare them with everyone else.

You wouldn't make them feel they had to earn your love.

What if that little baby was you?

And in many ways...

it still is.

The relationship you have with yourself today shapes the rest of your life. So why not begin treating yourself with the same tenderness you would offer that precious child?

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What Self-Love Really Looks Like

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Self-love isn't always bubble baths and positive affirmations.

Sometimes it looks like saying no.

Sometimes it means creating stronger boundaries.

Sometimes it means walking away from people or situations that no longer honour who you are.

Sometimes it means walking towards something new.

Towards joy.

Towards hope.

Towards inspiration.

Towards the people, places and experiences that make your heart sing.

Sometimes it simply means listening to that quiet little voice within.

Trusting yourself.

Holding your own hand as you step into the future.

Knowing, deep down, that you deserve good things.

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Life Has a Clever Way of Showing Us

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Over the years, I've come to believe something that has transformed the way I see life's challenges.

The situations that upset us...

The unhealthy relationships that keep repeating...

The moments that leave us feeling hurt, rejected or not enough...

may not simply be happening to us.

Sometimes they gently reveal the places where we still haven't learned to love ourselves fully.

Not to punish us.

Not because we've failed.

But because life is lovingly inviting us to heal.

Every challenge becomes an opportunity.

Every trigger becomes a teacher.

Every difficult moment quietly asks:

Will you choose yourself this time?

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Joy Is Part of the Healing

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Many people believe they'll allow themselves to feel joy once they've healed enough.

Once they're more confident.

More successful.

More organised.

More worthy.

 

I see it differently.

Joy isn't the reward for healing.

Joy is one of the ways we heal.

When we begin treating ourselves with kindness...

When we stop waiting for permission...

When we allow ourselves to laugh...

Dance...

Rest...

Play...

Create...

Explore...

Something remarkable happens.

We don't suddenly become different people.

We simply begin becoming more fully ourselves.

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Today... Follow the (Self) Love

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If you had walked past that bench with me in Lisbon, I hope we would have sat down together.

Not because we'd finally become perfect. Not because we'd finished healing. But because we'd realised something important.

We are already worthy of our own love.

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So Today... Sit Down

Give yourself a little kindness.

Forgive yourself a little sooner.

Trust yourself a little more.

Speak to yourself like your own best friend.

Say no when you need to.

Say yes to what makes your heart sing.

Hold your own hand when life feels uncertain.

Allow yourself to remember who you really are.

Love yourself, not because you've finally become worthy of it...

but because you always were.

Because here's what I've come to believe.

Joy isn't waiting for the healed version of you. Joy is helping you become that person.

And perhaps the greatest gift you will ever give the world...

is becoming the truest, happiest and most joyful version of yourself.

Because when you finally learn to sit down...

and give some of that love to yourself...

you'll discover you have even more love to give everyone else.

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Your Love List

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Self-love isn't something you achieve once and then tick off your list. It's a relationship you build with yourself, one small act at a time.

This week, why not choose one or all four simple ways to show yourself a little more love?

• Speak to yourself like your own best friend. Notice your inner dialogue today. If you catch yourself being overly critical, gently replace it with words you would happily say to someone you love.

• Do one thing that makes your heart sing - it could be dancing in the kitchen, reading a book, walking in nature, cuddling your dog, listening to music or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Joy is never a waste of time.

• Honour one boundary

• Say no when you need to. Rest without guilt. Give yourself permission to protect your energy with kindness.

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Or perhaps you’d like to create your own.

Not because you have to.

Not because anyone expects you to.

Simply because it makes you smile and feel loved.

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Celebrate yourself
Before you go to bed tonight, write down one thing you're proud of. It doesn't have to be something extraordinary. Perhaps you simply kept going. Perhaps you were kind. Perhaps you made yourself laugh. Perhaps you remembered to put the bins out.

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Follow the self-love.

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Joy has a wonderful habit of finding you there.